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The world out here...
Thursday, July 26, 2007


Reading around, its nt hard to see many of my peers graduating, working, or some already in the working force for some time...

Its nt hard to see again that the world out here...is quite a ...shall I say dirty world? There is really not many ppl whose colleagues are b*tch, idiots, morons, slackers, wayang-ers, chao-gen-ster etc...and for myself..I've seen alot of different pattern of people around.

A close fren of mine commented that in recent months, I've suddenly grown more...withdrawn...and its confirmed today by another close fren...Indeed, I feel it too...I'm more withdrawn...jaded? Tired of the world out here? Yes I m.

I m sick of people pretending to be who they are.
I m sick of people who dun pretend to be who they are, cos their actual faces are jus so...mean...but in any case...I m sick of people...

Perhaps that is why the only few ppl whom I dun mind being close to is the few close fren...the few people I hold close to my heart...with alot of animals...

My heart seems to close up to strangers..I m nt interested to noe new frens. nt interested to make new frens. Nt keen to smile at strangers, talk to strangers, be friendly to strangers...Cos most human walk ard with a mask on their face.

Even me. Though my mask is always that of smiling, not many, not one maybe, sees wad lies beneath. True smile? Tired Face? Sick-of-fake-people-face? Sick-of-free-riders-face? Sick-of-sicko-take-adv-of-people-face? Sick-of-friends-who-appear-only-when-u-are-useful-face?

Basically, I tink I m scared of giving my heart and faith to friends who dun see me as friends. I find that committing myself is so easy. I cant bring myself nt to trust people. I cant help treating people as friends. But...do they treat me as friends? Thus, I rather dun make friends...

Its nt intentional, bt I guess tt's why I've grown more withdrawn...

I miss those sec-sch days when messing ard is so fun and easy. Jokes u can laugh about 10yrs later....my personal joke bout "shabby n worn down" with my ting ting... our jokes on the teacher-with-the-basket... The "I will Not Be Late" punishment...

I miss those innocent days when people are jus friends cos friends matters... Why does human grow up to be such complicated and heartless creatures?

Guess that is why I m almost only cheered up when I see animals. Cos no matter how old they are, their eyes showed nothing but purity.

A quote says,(someting like this) "some human actually envy Cats"... Indeed, I do...I do envy cats...They are so prideful creatures, they nv see u as owners..but companions..they never felt owned...They love us yes, but u are never they Owners, Masters...but their friends...parents sometimes... They will come when called, but takes their time...They will tink and consider if u are jus making a fool out of them or really wan them over for a hug...

They will always be affectionate towards u...patiently waiting for u to come home...den thrusting their head towards u as mao n mew vie for my attention..Prideful and proud they are? But they wont be tt prideful and proud enuf to nt wan to show u hw much they love u...

Seems like my blog is growing abit dark...

Hope my mood will lighten up as the vacation for me starts...as sch is starting too..

I m gg Phuket this Fri~Yippee!!! Hope the natural scenery there will calm my heart and may my worries n troubles b brought away by the sounds of waves as they hit the shore~

Yeah!


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